Lately, I've been reading this book called 'How We Decide' which was lent to me by a good friend of mine who is just as interested in psychology and probably twice as knowledgeable about it. It's all about-- guess what-- making decisions and how and why we decide the things we do.
I just got past a section which summarized a study done on over 400 fifth graders, I believe in the land of New York. This study was essentially very simple- the students were divided into two groups. They were tested with puzzles and such equally, but were simply given different praise: one group, after working, was told  "You must be so smart for this!" while the other group was told "You must've worked really hard on this!". It shouldn't seem too great a difference, but the statistics that followed were unmistakable. After being initially tested, these students were given the option of taking a set of puzzles that would challenge them, or taking a test on material they already knew. Virtually all the students in the group with the 'smart' praise chose the easy test while the students in the 'hard work' praise group chose the challenging test. They were willing to fail at first to learn how to gain; to learn how to learn. Also, when given the option for comparing their test results with people who scored higher or lower than theirs, 'smart' students chose to compare with those who did poorly to emphasize what they did well on. However, the 'hardworking' students chose to compare with the tests that scored higher than them to find out what they did wrong and to seek to improve and learn from their mistakes. In the end of the study, the students were given a test at the same difficulty as in the beginning. The students in the 'hard work' group scored 30% higher, and the 'smart' group scored almost 20% lower!!
Basically, the students in the 'hard working' group were being taught how to learn. We can only learn by failing, examining those failures, and applying that to future work. Essentially, we need to push ourselves further so we can recoup and gather more from it.
I'm sure that whoever reads this and goes to Wayzata knows what I'm talking about when I say that we're, for the most part, in the 'smart' group. We place such a high value on A's and the grading system, and I know I'm not alone when I say I am put under enormous pressure to poop out fantastic grades and high scores (SAT, ACT, or otherwise). When I was reading this section of the book, I tried and failed to remember the last time a teacher (or parent) had praised me based on the work I had done. I remember being scolded based on lower scores I produced and praised on how smart I was for having higher scores, but I have never been told it's okay to fail so long as I was milking learning opportunities out of it. I really don't know where this problem started or where to fix it, but now that I can acknowledge it, I think it should be addressed to everyone, from students to parents to teachers. Sure, not everyone will understand, but everyone should be given the opportunity to learn how to learn.

another update on 'hyperbole and a half'

I am loving this blog more and more each time I check it. There haven't been any new posts since I checked it last, but the deeper I delve into the archives, the more I feel like I will die of laughter.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

Enjoy this post.
I've always detested bad grammar, and saying alot is just one of the many things that bugs me. Here, this wonderful blogger describes several of the mistakes or chat lingo she sees used. The one she focuses on is the Alot. Yes, he is a monster, but he's very cute. Her drawings of him are fabulous.
Now, because I'm supposed to be doing a rhetorical analysis of these blogs instead of just laughing myself to pieces about it, I did my best to determine exactly what it is that makes this blog so funny.
In this specific post about the Alot, firstly, there is her idea of what one looks like. She's making a creature for something that doesn't exist, even in normal English. The idea is, of course, outlandish, and as people we tend to think that outlandish things are funnier than non-outlandish things. The part that personally gave me a kick most was the section where she says "When people say 'I'm lonely alot' or 'I'm angry alot'..." which strikes me as funny because she attributes this to someone talking to the Alot with an emo haircut and the Alot is basically thinking "get away from me..." Funny enough. Why? Again, she's taking the strange creature and putting it with an almost childish idea. Yes, she's an adult, and in a way, making a fool of herself. But she's speaking in such diction that gives her a stable amount of credibility, even if what she's saying is ridiculous. She knows she sounds silly, though, which is what makes her sound not-stupid. She's doing what just about every comedian does- putting absurd ideas out on the table and expanding on them into detail, even though they're clearly wrong. Huzzah.

RE: the inner ring.

When I started reading this speech, I really had no idea what was going on or what he was talking about in the first few paragraphs. This may be attributed to the late hour that I was reading it, but so be it. I finally started to understand it at the paragraph that starts with "And of course everyone knows..." I thought this a creative way of  discussing the big evils, if you will, of the world. When he says that he will only really talk about the World, I'm surprised, perhaps, and happy enough that he won't talk about the other subjects, worn as they are now. Also, I personally find the World to be the most interesting of them all.
When the rings and inner rings and such are introduced, it's weird to me because I've never thought about this in the terms he puts it. Certainly, there are rings of importance all around us, some which we desire to get into and others that we care less about. All people search for acceptance- it's a natural human instinct. We can hardly go through a day without interaction with other people. Or, at least, I don't think I could.
Even in high school and college, the years that are supposed to be the greatest in our lives, we go through the chain of fighting to fit in and getting in somewhere new, over and over. One could argue that it's what makes those years great- we have the great opportunities to get into clubs and activities we've never tried before and get new experiences with new friend groups (legal or not, that's up to you). Once we figure out the process he makes mention of, though, it loses its magic. It's like you're walking around a neighborhood in the rain at midnight and you look at a house and it's all lit up and there's a party in there with everyone invited but you. Then, once you get into the party, it's nothing but a big pile of stupid and you just want out because rain and darkness is preferable to the stupid people being stupid in there, and you find that someone stole your coat and heaven knows what else. Maybe not the best analogy, but you get it, right?

Al Pacino's Inspirational Speech

This speech is from the movie "Any Given Sunday". I haven't watched the movie, but it looks pretty good. Here, Al Pacino plays the coach giving an inspirational speech to the team in the locker room. The full speech can be found below.

http://essaysfromexodus.scripting.com/stories/storyreader$1492

reluctant: a world of words

Reluctant: adj: unwilling and hesitant; disinclined

Origin: mid 17th century (in the sense 'writhing, offering opposition'): from Latin reluctant- 'struggling against', from the verbreluctari, from re- (expressing intensive force) + luctari 'to struggle'

Cautious: adj: careful to avoid potential problems or dangers

Origin: mid 17th century: from  caution, on the pattern of pairs such as ambition, ambitious

Demur: v: raise doubts or objections or show reluctance

Origin: Middle English (in the sense 'linger, delay'): from Old French demourer (verb), demeure (noun), based on Latin de- 'away, completely' + morari 'delay'

Hesitant: adj: tentative, unsure, or slow in acting or speaking\

Origin: late Middle English: from Latin haesitant- 'being undecided', from the verb haesitare

Recalcitrant: adj: having an obstinately uncooperative attitude toward authority or discipline

Origin: mid 19th century: from Latin recalcitrant- 'kicking out with the heels', from the verb recalcitrare, based on calx, calc- 'heel'

Unwilling: adj: not ready, eager, or prepared to do something

Origin: Old English unwillende

Wary: adj: feeling or showing caution about possible dangers or problems

Origin: late 15th century: from  ware +  -y


Afraid: adj: feeling fear or anxiety; frightened
Origin: Middle English: past participle of the obsolete verb affray, from Anglo-Norman French afrayer 


Averse: adj: having a strong dislike of or opposition to something
Origin: late 16th century: from Latin aversus 'turned away from', past participle of avertere


Opposed: adj: eager to prevent or put an end to; disapproving of or disagreeing with
Origin: 1350–1400; from oppositiōn- opposit + -iōn

nothing but nostalgia

Today, my dogs got to come inside my house (don't tell my dad), which is a treat for them. My dad isn't really an animal lover, so when we got them, it was decided that they had to be outdoor dogs all year round.
Actually, they're still here, snuffly and lovely as ever. They do smell funny, though.
Anyway, I was sitting on my kitchen floor, petting Ebony (who, contrary to popular belief, is a boy) who was sitting next to Oliver, the lazy stupid one. I began to recall that when we first got them, they were about three months old. Back then, Ebony was small enough to curl up in my lap without falling out. Now, about five years later, these black labs have grown quite a bit and Ebony isn't the puppy he used to be. I was thinking about all this as I was petting him, and about all this nostalgia. I miss the small dog I used to have and carry around like it was no big deal. I still love them, but there's something about having a puppy in your lap that can't be replicated. In the end, I guess, there's nothing but nostalgia left. We only have memories with us when we go.

bloggage loggage.

Nov. 29, 2010

The audience seems to be anyone of passing interest in strangely-drawn computer cartoons and random stories. More specifically, one who enjoys reading comical writing about one's life is sure to like the blog.
The author uses a lot of humor to keep the audience interested. She also uses exaggerated cartoons to appeal to the imagery the human eyes so like to see. It works (at least, for me) because most people enjoy laughing and reading about other people's suffering in one way or another. That's just how humans work.
If someone who did not have much of a sense of humor were to read this blog, they probably wouldn't be happy with it because you need that humorous connection in order to see a point to it at all.
The purpose is just to express (the author's) parts and stories of her life in a humorous and exaggerated manner. It's essentially a comical journal to make others laugh.
The blog is extremely colorful with a lot of comics as I mentioned before. The typeface is plain enough, which balances out all the illustrations included. The pictures help emphasize that the blog isn't about anything too serious, but the typeface reminds the reader that this is someone's life or ideas you're reading about.
The tone is hardly ever serious; even if it's a more serious topic, it's done up in a way that is sometimes even nonsensical. She uses a high level of diction, but because it's humorous material, it's nothing to be taken serious.

In response to '2 million minutes' that was thankfully not 2 million minutes long...

When comparing different students, especially from different countries, one has to be careful as of which standards the students are being read.
The documentary was pretty biased in trying to say, 'AMERICANS HAVE IT EASY!' Academically, it's true that Americans have less pressure for school in general and they don't necessarily go  to the same levels of math or other subjects as often as in other countries, but here we also have much lower stress levels and as mentioned about India how students don't generally deviate in what they do by a relatively early age, American students have more openings and opportunities to participate in a wider variety of activities, instead of solely in the biology or engineering departments.
The ideal audience fro this video seems to be Americans, focusing on the students and teachers. It clearly was calling for a more reformed education system in America, border-lining calling American education lazy and implying that there is little effort from the students; for example, the guy from the American high school said he never studied for the PSAT and didn't really try in much, academically speaking. The info concerning American students seemed limited, but in order to make a stronger point, they used their statistics well by giving only certain aspects of the spectrum.

The Rosetta Stone

In order, top to bottom:

narration
description
example
compare/contrast
process of analysis
division of analysis
classification
cause & effect
definition
argument

The Hazards of...

The day her mom left was the day that a certain sadness settled around the house and...never really left after that. It was worse than I'd ever known, which was saying a lot- she'd had a problem household since I'd met her, which was way back in first grade. It was a deeper pain than I'd seen before, settling itself cozily under her eyes and burrowing deep in her heart. I could see the sorrow etched on her face, but it was nothing I could relate to; nothing I could imagine helping with. She was becoming lost in herself, confused at what she could find; at what she did find. Unlike other times in her life, this time, the grief never left.

There wasn't any talking that day. I think that was one of the worst parts about it...no one would talk about it. It's like people were afraid to say, "Hey, he's dead!" because that would wedge the heavy nail into our hearts even further, making it impossible to get out. I don't know about anyone else, but when I walked around, I slouched forward because of the lead weight in my chest, the intangible and incurable pain just underneath the skin on my face, swelling beneath my forehead and cheeks. We couldn't help but want to die, simply because unconsciousness in death was far preferable than the ache tormenting our minds. It was depression with a blade, pressing into us and cutting into our thoughts. The worst part was that there was absolutely nothing that we could possibly do about it. There was nothing to do but sit there and feel the ache deep in our chests.

Sorrow is losing my grandmother to cancer. Sorrow is the break of a deep friendship. Sorrow is the feeling of the loss of a part of one's soul. When a close friend of mine said we could not be friends anymore, for no apparent reason, the pain was so immense, I had no idea what had hit me. I felt like someone had ripped out a hole in my chest and filled it with iron. A friend, describing his breakup with his girlfriend, was somewhat similar.

Sorrow can be compared to sadness, but it's so much worse. If sadness is hearing about your neighbor's dog getting put down last week, sorrow is watching your best friend get poisoned to death just beyond a glass wall. The stark opposite would be euphoria, felt only for moments at a time. One can feel happiness consistently, but euphoria is the split second where you feel complete success and triumph.

Unlike falling in love, one does not 'fall into sorrow'. It is not gradual. When you're walking back home from getting groceries, sorrow will jump out from behind the playground and punch you in the face. Something severe happens to something very close to your heart and that's the only thing needed. That's when sorrow hits. From there, you plunge into a pit of what is usually made up of grief and despair. Sounds cheesy, yes, but cliches must come from somewhere.

Sorrow involves a deep feeling of loss, settling heavily in the chest and face for most. It affects almost everyone, because most people are close with others such as parents, friends, siblings, or a significant other, and because no one can live forever or always stay with a given person, everyone will then experience such a loss.

The first thing that comes to mind when sorrow is mentioned for me is the color dark blue. It's soft and velvety, perfect for crying into. When trying to relate to people feeling such a dreaded emotion, I imagine the isolation and pain they must be feeling. Sorrow is one of the many extremes of human emotion, falling into one of the darker ends of the spectrum.

As a result of losing something of great personal value to him or herself, a person undergoing sorrow usually becomes depressed, either temporarily or permanently. This is the result of slowing of the release of serotonin in the brain, causing a feeling of depression and sometimes anxiety.

Sorrow is the low of all lows. It's what makes the highs higher, even though it is one of the most painful things a human can endure.  Sorrow is the other essential feeling besides happiness/love for humans, because it's exactly what makes us...human. It allows us to show compassion for others and helps define what we will do. Sorrow is the pinnacle of all sadness; the limit of our human grief. Sorrow is inevitable.

Everyone endures sorrow. It doesn't matter where in the world you go, what time or space you are in, but all humans suffer and have suffered. One could potentially argue, 'But what about those stupid spoiled people? They can get everything they want and never suffer in such a way.' The thing is, even though everyone suffers in different ways, everybody still...suffers. Sorrow is a part of life that cannot be avoided by anyone. Those stupid spoiled people still have feelings, even though they developed in a different way from yours and mine, just as they have from everyone else's. People develop ties to things and people around them; the kinds of ties that they grow into, that become ingrained into them, that they become a part of. Cutting those ties involves cutting part of the person off, and losing that part, no matter what it is to any given person, is a pain-filled experience.

You know what time it is? R-R-R-RANT TIME.

I found it hard to pin down a few complaints, but all in all, these are the top five things that piss me off that I can think of right now:
#5
Everyone knows that sound- maybe you're in a public place, transportation, or perhaps even in your own house, and then it pierces your eardrum:
"WAAHHHHH!!"
The unending wails of an infant.

Some people were simply born to be mothers; I have a friend who is obsessed with children and wants to have about ten thousand babies. That is all fine and good.
However, I am not one of them.
It's true, babies do look cute sometimes, staring up at you with wide eyes that still can't see properly, gaping toothless mouth open, snub nose perky and, most of the time, perfect. But by god, the moment they open their mouths to scream, I want to punch them.
Please, don't read this and assume I am going to hurt your children. I would never strike a child, much less a baby. But don't tell me you've never been so upset with someone that you wished you could hit them.
I understand that babies need to scream for attention, assuming they can't talk (which, let's face it- most babies just can't).
Still, I don't know if it's an instinct that makes most people want to coddle an infant, but I guess I just don't have it. A whining, wailing baby is of no use to me besides a stress instigator.
If you think about it, babies are just like pets. They can't talk, but can only make simple gurgles and sounds, need to be cleaned up after, fed/watered/etc, ceaselessly want attention and, as previously mentioned, scream and whine if they don't get it. In fact, one could argue that babies are not even as good as pets because they don't do tricks, can't even walk, and are not furry and cuddly (though they are, indeed, very fat).
Basically, I really don't like babies. To put it mildly, Mr. Swift made me laugh and I enjoyed reading 'A Modest Proposal' more than most people ever should. Don't let them scream around me, please. I have little sympathy for that.

#4
Expectations are crucial to our lives. If we were not expected to do anything, we would likely sit at home and rot all day. We need a standard to live up to in order to engage ourselves and create a potential we can all reach. However, it reaches a point to where we drain ourselves, day in and day out- even as children now- and the expectations for some, maybe even most, are reaching all-time highs.

Note to reader: It's about to get exceptionally personal and whiny. Consider yourself warned.

My mother is a fine example of someone who is overexpectant. Especially when it comes to academics, she is consistently harping down my neck, complaining to me that my grades are not good enough, saying she doesn't know if my GPA will get me anywhere but a crappy college-if any college will take me at all-or saying I need to work harder and apply myself when actually, here's the truth- I AM DOING MY BEST!!
I really, truly hate it when she uses negative ideals and comments, thinking that they'll somehow make me a better student, more productive, and whatever she wants me to be. Honestly, it just makes me want to disobey her more.
According to her, f I get less than an A+, I did not study hard enough. Stupid mistakes don't exist; I just didn't put effort in. I need to get 5's on my AP tests (hello there, comp...) and ace my finals. If my grades aren't shining, I lose privileges (including volunteering in the community) faster than Chase Sampson lost on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire' (if you don't know what I'm referring to, please slap yourself several times across the face for missing out on funny moments, then visit this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMriTkE3igY ). Sorry if I was a bit pretentious there...anyway...I hope my mom doesn't somehow find this and read it....
Long story short, yes, I know I'm not perfect, specifically academically. However, I am willing to sacrifice that for sleep and periods of relaxation and enjoying social interaction so I do not simply have a seizure, curdle upon myself, break in half, deteriorate, and die one day. I know there are students out there with more sever situations than myself, but I was told to complain so here I am, and here you go.

#3
IGNORANCE! Very near the pinnacle of all obnoxious, venomous and even hazardous things lies this trait.
The narrow- and closed-minded people of the world are actually the cause of what I would personally say about 90% or more of the discord, tension, and illegalities that occur around the globe.
Think about it- for example, let's say Johnny just got murdered because he's a homosexual (this really happens. Just in case you didn't know...). The murder/s committed a hate crime against the LGBT community- they do not understand what it's like to be a homosexual, they somehow conclude that gay people do not deserve the respect or consideration that any other person does, and they somehow arrive at the idea that, hence, the LGBT must be annihilated.
The underlying (or perhaps not so much) factor? IGNORANCE! People are overly willing to judge others and make presumptions based on themselves and their perspectives, instead of opening their minds (and ears) to those around them. Everyone has something important to say, but nowadays, people have little respect for anyone but him/herself and his/her own thoughts. It's a sad, sad world out there, friends.

#2
Selfishness. Is it fair to say that it makes its appearance more often now, as well as too often? I think so.
I feel like these days, people are increasingly insistent about putting their needs (or wants, I should say) ahead of others' needs.
My brother, I will honestly say, is sickly full of himself. He doesn't care about anyone in my family and is entirely self-centered. Even my German exchange student has told me: "He is so in love with himself, and don't care about anyone. Don't he make you want to punch him in the face?" Yes, actually.
Just the other day he and I were driving home from school and while in our neighborhood, when we saw a dog whose ball had gone into the middle of the road and couldn't go get it. I asked him to stop so I could throw it at the exceptionally patient dog, and what was his reply? "Go ahead, but only if you walk home." All because he didn't want to wait 15 seconds for me to get out and back into the car.
I guess I could actually turn this complaint into my brother specifically. He refuses to listen to anyone, and he's exactly what all my complaints have been about so far- he whines like a baby, holds everyone to higher expectations than himself (though that's hypocrisy, I suppose), is blatantly ignorant and rude to everyone I hear him talk to (surprisingly enough, my parents are included), and is blindly selfish. He trashes my car and makes up excuses to leave it that way, and has no respect for anything anyone says. It's just he, himself, and more of him.
I think because I live in such close parameters with someone who is so absurdly selfish, in my perspective, makes me realize just how much I really hate this trait. It's not the people that I despise, but this specific ideal is one with a severly negative connotation with me. Not going to lie- I'm really hoping my brother cleans up his act. Still, he's not the only one- people all around us sacrifice the greater good- be it honesty, trustworthiness, or simply a needed benefit for another human- for solely themselves.

#1
The absolute worst out of any of these perhaps at first doesn't seem as bad, but oh, it is.
APATHY.
Cold, unheartened, apathy.
That drives me the craziest, without a doubt.

According to dictionary.com, apathy is the:
(noun:)
1. absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.

2. lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.

 

In short, it's when people JUST DON'T CARE. To me, that's worse than anything previously mentioned: worse than self-absorbed individuals that can't possibly suck themselves out of the mirror, worse than purposefully ignorant and fervently self-enthusiastic personality traits, worse than the grade expectation, worse than screaming babies.

The big problem I see with not caring is not that apathees are necessarily ignorant, narrow-minded, or perhaps even selfish- it's that they know all the information, know what has to be done, yet, all the same, don't care. Whether the excuse may be "It's not MY problem" or "Well, gee, I'm just too lazy", it gets to me all the same.

A great, screaming example of this is in reference as to what we're doing to the earth we live on and share. Whether or not global warming is really there doesn't matter- there is no one that can deny that our planet doesn't need help. For example, I recently read that CO2 emissions are causing seawater to have increasingly high pH levels; if they keep going up, it's eventually going to simply dissolve the sea creatures that live in those waters.

Still, when I see people throwing recyclable cans in the trash or preforming some other anti-Eco-friendly move, the two most common reasons I hear are: "It doesn't make a difference, it's just one blank." and "I don't have to worry, I'll be dead by the time there's a real problem with this stuff." I really want to scream at them: SERIOUSLY? Quit isolating yourself in a world where nothing really matters to you!! It's not just for yourself; it's for the people around you, and those that will be coming into the world long after you!

Perhaps the worst part about apathy is once someone is rooted there, he or she almost never leave that terrain. You can give him/her the most logical argument, even yell at him/her, but you can't just eradicate the apathy.
Talk about a depression fest.

Nom Nom Chom-sky.

For the most part-- at least what I gathered from the film-- I am in agreement with the main idea of 'Manufacturing Consent'. Chomsky's big thesis throughout the movie is simply that the mass media orients itself around the greater or elite groups, and tends to not stray away from their interests.
I find it to be very true that the mass media organizes itself based on the big guys, because they decide what the public should and should not know. This really affects the decisions people make and, in turn, the society we live in.
http://hubpages.com/hub/Mass-Media-Influence-on-Society
The article on this page (Mass Media Influence on Society) because, as the article states, most people orient a lot of their lives around the glowing rectangles that most of us associate with technology. What we use it for possibly the most, is communication and media usage. Almost all the widest-spread newspapers and magazines and even television shows are now found on the internet, where most people spend at least a portion of their time on. Taking this into consideration, one can clearly see how a family's decisions-- perhaps financial, social, and work options-- are influenced.
http://hope.journ.wwu.edu/tpilgrim/j190/Chomsky.summary.html
As stated in this article,Chomsky also made a point about how 'propaganda is to democracy what violence is to a dictatorship' in regards to the thought control in a democratic society. I must say that I agree with this point as well. When we take into consideration how the government (and other widespread groups and organizations) can put limitations on to what is published and essentially skew the materials that are exposed to the public, it's a lot of power given to them. Hence, this 'advertising' or 'propaganda' is used in favor of the democracy (to those in highest power and largest groups) just as a dictator would use violence to keep the public 'in line', as one could put it.

Thoughts About the Death of a Tree

I spent the weekend not knowing what I was going to write for this blog assignment, when a thought hit me as I was coming home from watching a movie with my family this evening. As we were winding through my neighborhood in an obnoxiously long way due to the construction on 101, I saw all the trees in their autumn coats. Some were just a dull shade of brown or perhaps red wine, but most were fireworks of color! There are some that are half changed into a brilliant shade of scarlet and the other half is still the bright shade of green it's been since last May, and others entirely yellow and orange in the most incredible hues. Even while I enjoyed this display of colors, it occurred to me: the only reason these leaves are this way is because they are dying; the lack of sunlight declines the photosynthesis, and they stop making the green chlorophyll, or something along those lines as I understand it.

At this thought, I recalled a poem that I still have memorized from seventh grade:

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

Dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

Nothing Gold Can Stay; Robert Frost.

This makes me think of how we should grasp what we have while we have it. We don't fully realize an appreciation for anything until it's gone, or in the case of the trees, until it's dying.

Have a happy week!

Brother to Sister

Born to a family of what would eventually be seven people, I've always had a lot of input and company around me. There's my mother, my father, my older brother, my younger brother, and my two younger sisters. We have what you could call a full house.

My siblings and I, like I'm sure all others with brothers or sisters have experienced, went from friendly to perhaps vicious at times, then eventually grew out of those skins and became more or less functional, if not kindly. We all assumed our places in the Hierarchy of Siblings- my youngest sister as the stupid baby; the next oldest sister an intelligent but complaining wanna-be-but-no-longer-baby; my younger brother wanting to be as cool as my older brother, hence shunning any relationship with his sisters in thinking it'd somehow get him there; me, trying and failing to live up to my brother and always falling back into his shadow; and finally, my older brother himself, Luis, the leader type-of-kid, which is appropriate, noting the birth order.

I have a distinct memory of when it was clear he was the alpha of the pack of us all. We were in a car riding home from Duluth- what we were doing in Duluth is lost to me- and we were watching Scooby Doo. What's funny about it is that I never noticed this until much later: my three younger siblings and I only laughed when our eldest brother did. If he chuckled, we all were quick to follow. If one of us laughed and he did not, it died out quickly. It doesn't sound like anything meaningful, I'm sure, but believe me when I say it was and it is, in such a sense.

On a more recent note, I can recall that a little before Luis left for college, I realized that I would soon be the oldest of my siblings left at home. It struck me powerfully at dinner one night, when I looked at my brother sitting at the head of our side of the table, seeing that the greatest power among us was going into my inheritance; a fine amount of responsibility began to weigh heavily on my shoulders, even though it wasn't even quite there yet.

Somewhere along the transition, I began putting on my brother's air of confidence and self-like. I became more persuasive, like he had been; perhaps edging on bossy at times. He made me strive for myself- not just academically (i believe there was actually a lesser influence in that area), but socially and between myself and my family, instead of the grating I usually felt there. Once envying my brother for such easy and laid back relations with everyone, I now often share that sort of relation with, at the very least, most of my siblings (most of the time). Luis is such a likable person, and I've grown to match him for the most part.

Two years later, this is now my last year living with my family full-time. I am now ready to leave my home and find a new one- I know I couldn't have said that truthfully and comfortably without Luis. He expanded my leadership in a core way I was not aware of; I don't believe even he knows his impact on me. My brother's and my blood is the same, and though my path is different from his, I certainly carry a part of him with me, wherever I may go.

why i write (twice stolen)

i find Orwell to be my favorite of these authors that we were assigned to read recently. i think this is primarily because he covers more bases than Didon does- he builds stories around his reasoning, as well as giving a big span of time, referring from 'perhaps the age of five or six' to 'throughout the past ten years'. he expands a lot and gives detail, beyond just the 'why' of writing, even beyond why he himself writes, but applies why others write in general as well.
something i really enjoyed about both authors was how they seemed to me to be aware of their writing skills and talents; i imagine them speaking their essay with their heads held high and a confident aura, yet they still have a down-to-earth feel to them and perhaps casual air.
i myself write simply because it's what feels good to me. i've been writing about as long as i've been reading, which is practically forever, save a couple years. i write because i have some sort of purpose, many times because i have to- either i need to get something out of my head, or it's assigned. even when something is assigned to me, i take pleasure in writing it for the most part. as a general rule, i only write when i'm inspired or want to write. if not, it defeats the purpose of it; the words that come out are jumbled and inappropriate. i think most people's writing would improve greatly if that were the case, but maybe that's just me.

old poetry. test blog, i guess?

Wonderland

I reached for the sky,
But hit my head instead
On the ceiling of my world
Which then came crashing down on me-
With the rainbow tiles breaking
On the outskirts of my mind
Cracking bone and brain alike-
For we're all the same, in any case.
So leave me pondering, dear Alice
Where the broken hearts do grow
In the fields behind their rotten minds
And the oceans of their sins.
Paint the shadows of my world
With the memories of happier times
Till there's nothing left to hide behind
Except the fadings of our arrogance.
But then I fall back into THIS world
And the flat mundaniality
Throws me to comatic boredom.
So share something that stops my blood
Or I’ll bust your face in, baby;
But I’ll settle for a broken heart
If that's the only chance I get.
So dream big- but do what they say,
'Cause life's too short to have your way.

Possiunity

Installing death is one with key

never close, still holding me

standing near to feel your breath

giving me the kiss of death

But fear me not! im in control
but only of the gaping hole
now, to cut one in the crying earth
until New Possibility is birthed.
below the bubbles, under sand
come with me and take my hand
stand in shadow, now in double
for once the first was ever troubled
stand with me
or leave me be
the reaper is here
in Opportunity.