i am an artist.
i love writing poetry, visual arts, and music. but at the same time, i'm afraid of my art. i'm afraid when i sit down to draw, that i'll end up with nothing worth my time when i'm done. i'm about to start a new painting, and i know even now that when i sit down to start, i'll have almost no idea what i'm going to do. it's something i fear as much as i love.
i have trouble with this. even when i do something that looks good, if only i don't think it's good, then it's garbage to me. it doesn't matter what kinds of compliments i receive. even when i am proud of my work, i still seem to have a problem taking compliments. it's hard for me; i feel like my art only looks/sounds good to me. sometimes, it's just easier when people don't comment on my work unless it's critiquing. i guess that sounds weird, but i feel like it's not sincere if it doesn't have a 'catch', if you will.
i have problems, even with what i love.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
memories
rewind: I was about ten years old, maybe less, and my mom sent me downstairs for a jar of sauce or salsa or something. Going back up the stairs, I tripped and the glass shattered, sauce spattering all over the stairs. I heard thundering footsteps and looked up to see my dad looking down on the mess.
"I tripped--"
"Are you okay??"
"I just fell- it was an accident--"
"Are you okay??"
"...yeah."
Sometimes, it feels like parents don't care and just want you out. These moments make me remember otherwise.
rewind: When I was about 5 or so, my family would eat breakfast together before school every day. I remember one time my brother was mad at me, and my mom noticed.
"Why are you mad, Luisi?"
"Anni can keep all her cereal in the bowl, in the milk. I can't do it."
It was true. My cereal was swimming happily in the milk, and I was stopping it from climbing up the walls of the bowl. His, on the other hand, was scrambling over the edges of the bowl without restraint. I think my mom helped him work on reining them in more.
I felt superior in that moment.
rewind: I was somewhere around 6 years old. My family was watching ET downstairs, on our ragged blue couch. I loved that couch. My younger brother and I were fighting about something; I no longer recall what it was. What I do know, is that I was so mad, I kicked my brother who ended up cutting his chin open on the corner of a table in the room. Several stitches later, we still don't get along.
more will come as i remember them.
"I tripped--"
"Are you okay??"
"I just fell- it was an accident--"
"Are you okay??"
"...yeah."
Sometimes, it feels like parents don't care and just want you out. These moments make me remember otherwise.
rewind: When I was about 5 or so, my family would eat breakfast together before school every day. I remember one time my brother was mad at me, and my mom noticed.
"Why are you mad, Luisi?"
"Anni can keep all her cereal in the bowl, in the milk. I can't do it."
It was true. My cereal was swimming happily in the milk, and I was stopping it from climbing up the walls of the bowl. His, on the other hand, was scrambling over the edges of the bowl without restraint. I think my mom helped him work on reining them in more.
I felt superior in that moment.
rewind: I was somewhere around 6 years old. My family was watching ET downstairs, on our ragged blue couch. I loved that couch. My younger brother and I were fighting about something; I no longer recall what it was. What I do know, is that I was so mad, I kicked my brother who ended up cutting his chin open on the corner of a table in the room. Several stitches later, we still don't get along.
more will come as i remember them.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
BLA. a response.
For my BLA project, my group read the book 'Eating Animals' by Jonathan Foer (a very informative book, I do indeed recommend it), and watched the short documentary 'Meet Your Meat.'
'Eating Animals' was a shockingly eye-opening book. There was a great amount of information as well as personal anecdotes given by the author all about factory farms and the food industry. Foer balanced both of these out, giving enough information to fill the reader in on the subject he was mentioning while bringing in his experiences to also keep the reader interested. He also did an interesting thing in having extra perspectives written in the book. This definitely encouraged his ethos, seeing as he was including other opinions into his writing, making him not appear biased if he'd been so. He did do his best not to sound biased most of the time, but when he came through with his opinion in the end, it was already clear what position he would take on it. Certainly almost all the information he brought to the table was negative toward the factory farms, but he demonstrated that it's hard to make this a two-sided issue.
'Meet Your Meat' was a very explicit video by PETA to strongly encourage people to take up vegetarianism. It mainly focused on the treatment of the animals and some health hazards that come with the bad treatment of the creatures. The video was a stream of different undercover clips taken in areas where animals are kept until they are slaughtered; they were only ones of bad occurrences, not to say that there are only ever bad things happening, but to imprint the terrible images into the viewer's mind. Piglets smashed against the floor, cows chained in a stall, and chickens beaten with rods were some of the shocking videos shown. There was a narrator giving out facts and describing the conditions in more detail, slightly monotone but strong. This makes it a little bit more boring, but the clips that show make up for it. It was likely done that way to not overwhelm the viewer.
They both maintained about the same argument: factory farms are poopy and evil, but the documentary goes a step further in proposing a change in diet (vegetarianism) to help eliminate the cruelties and health hazards. The video was definitely more biased, but that is very understandable because it is by an organization whose whole purpose is to improve animal rights while the author of the book was just trying to find out where his food came from for his son. Reading Foer's book alone gave me reason enough to act and lo and behold, I am now a vegetarian and have been for almost a month. After being exposed to the wealth of information as well as images portrayed in the video, it's clear to me that there needs to be change among the factory farm food industry. This is all a mix of the horrendous treatment of the animals, a personal discomfort I feel when eating an animal, the health hazards and disgusting conditions everything is put under, and the troubles it is causing for the country (health, land, CO2 emissions, etc.). People should not be forced to live under my ideals, but their own, and I doubt most anyone would agree that what has been described and seen to happen in the factory farms is acceptable to their standards.
'Eating Animals' was a shockingly eye-opening book. There was a great amount of information as well as personal anecdotes given by the author all about factory farms and the food industry. Foer balanced both of these out, giving enough information to fill the reader in on the subject he was mentioning while bringing in his experiences to also keep the reader interested. He also did an interesting thing in having extra perspectives written in the book. This definitely encouraged his ethos, seeing as he was including other opinions into his writing, making him not appear biased if he'd been so. He did do his best not to sound biased most of the time, but when he came through with his opinion in the end, it was already clear what position he would take on it. Certainly almost all the information he brought to the table was negative toward the factory farms, but he demonstrated that it's hard to make this a two-sided issue.
'Meet Your Meat' was a very explicit video by PETA to strongly encourage people to take up vegetarianism. It mainly focused on the treatment of the animals and some health hazards that come with the bad treatment of the creatures. The video was a stream of different undercover clips taken in areas where animals are kept until they are slaughtered; they were only ones of bad occurrences, not to say that there are only ever bad things happening, but to imprint the terrible images into the viewer's mind. Piglets smashed against the floor, cows chained in a stall, and chickens beaten with rods were some of the shocking videos shown. There was a narrator giving out facts and describing the conditions in more detail, slightly monotone but strong. This makes it a little bit more boring, but the clips that show make up for it. It was likely done that way to not overwhelm the viewer.
They both maintained about the same argument: factory farms are poopy and evil, but the documentary goes a step further in proposing a change in diet (vegetarianism) to help eliminate the cruelties and health hazards. The video was definitely more biased, but that is very understandable because it is by an organization whose whole purpose is to improve animal rights while the author of the book was just trying to find out where his food came from for his son. Reading Foer's book alone gave me reason enough to act and lo and behold, I am now a vegetarian and have been for almost a month. After being exposed to the wealth of information as well as images portrayed in the video, it's clear to me that there needs to be change among the factory farm food industry. This is all a mix of the horrendous treatment of the animals, a personal discomfort I feel when eating an animal, the health hazards and disgusting conditions everything is put under, and the troubles it is causing for the country (health, land, CO2 emissions, etc.). People should not be forced to live under my ideals, but their own, and I doubt most anyone would agree that what has been described and seen to happen in the factory farms is acceptable to their standards.
Monday, January 17, 2011
another bloggage update. huzzah!
I looked through a couple blog posts that are about the same topic. In the first one, she is talking about how she is running out of ADHD medication and needs more, but is too lazy/doesn't know how to get more.
I've noticed that the titles of her blogs are really important. The first one that I mentioned is called 'Don't Stand in Front of My Flamethrower, it is Very Powerful.' I mean, come on. Don't say that doesn't interest you at all. Well, it certainly did me. The post following this one up was called 'Hi. I'm energetic today!!!!' Those exclamation points say something.
As someone who does not have ADHD, I can't know if she's being totally literal when she says things like:
"I will take my last pill and, upon observing the empty bottle before me, I will panic and try to figure out what I have to do to get more medication but alas, the process is too complicated and there are lots of phone calls involved and I will give up half-way through because I have ADf***ingHD and it is getting worse by the second since I procrastinated on my responsibilities and was thus forced to go straight from being massively medicated to being completely unmedicated within the span of a few hours and that is not ever a good idea and I will probably die.
The worst part? All that stuff up until the part where I die? That is me WHILE I AM TAKING MY ADHD MEDICATION. Yes, I am that dysfunctional even while heavily medicated."
I've noticed that the titles of her blogs are really important. The first one that I mentioned is called 'Don't Stand in Front of My Flamethrower, it is Very Powerful.' I mean, come on. Don't say that doesn't interest you at all. Well, it certainly did me. The post following this one up was called 'Hi. I'm energetic today!!!!' Those exclamation points say something.
As someone who does not have ADHD, I can't know if she's being totally literal when she says things like:
"I will take my last pill and, upon observing the empty bottle before me, I will panic and try to figure out what I have to do to get more medication but alas, the process is too complicated and there are lots of phone calls involved and I will give up half-way through because I have ADf***ingHD and it is getting worse by the second since I procrastinated on my responsibilities and was thus forced to go straight from being massively medicated to being completely unmedicated within the span of a few hours and that is not ever a good idea and I will probably die.
The worst part? All that stuff up until the part where I die? That is me WHILE I AM TAKING MY ADHD MEDICATION. Yes, I am that dysfunctional even while heavily medicated."
Except the part with the death, I'm not sure what to believe. Yes, I'm very gullible, but still. Anyway, since she's usually very not-literal and joking, it's hard to be able to tell what is true or not.
On a different blog post, the most recent one was titled 'The Year Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas'. Like I said about titles previously, don't tell me that isn't funny even though you have no idea what she's talking about yet. This blog post was particularly hilarious, I think, because of perspective. Here, she's writing about a childhood experience she had on a Christmas. She is writing about when she was six years old, now 25 or so. This is emphasized due to her seriousness then and, if you read the post (http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/12/year-kenny-loggins-ruined-christmas.html), you'll see what I mean when I say that it's maturing humor. Like you wouldn't understand it as a kid. Or, at least I wouldn't, and Ms. Brosch clearly didn't.
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